Not got that happy holiday feeling? 4 ways to look after your mental health during the festive season, especially if you’re anxious, depressed or grieving
- Not everyone welcomes the holiday season – for people who are struggling with their mental health, it can feel like pressure is being put on them to feel happy
- If you feel like that, or know someone who does, you are not alone – and it is perfectly OK to do as you wish instead of following any of the usual traditions
There is no getting away from the holiday season. The expectation to be jolly at this time of year is all around us – in songs on the radio, in television shows, at office parties, in shopping centres everywhere. In some places we can expect it to stretch through to the Lunar New Year in early February.
Not everyone welcomes the festivities, though, notes Dr Elisabeth Wong, clinical adviser for Hong Kong mental health charity Mind HK and a specialist in psychiatry.
“Societal pressure and media portrayal of the holidays might put pressure on people to feel happy and enjoy themselves,” she says.
So what can you do if you do not feel in the least bit jolly – if you are at a low ebb, battling depression or anxiety or loneliness? How do you manage your mood when everybody around is upbeat – and expect you to be too? How do you support others who might be vulnerable?
First of all, know that you, or they, are not alone in finding the festive season less than fun, says Minal Mahtani, the founder and chief executive of OCD & Anxiety Support HK (OCDAHK), a Hong Kong charity dedicated to helping adults and teenagers with mental illness.
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The American Psychological Association uncovered similar sentiments: in a November 2023 survey, 41 per cent of adults describe an increase in stress levels when compared to other times of the year, and 43 per cent said that the holiday stress interferes with their ability to enjoy them.
There are dozens of reasons people find holiday seasons difficult, says Wong.
Loneliness can feel more pronounced when you are not with loved ones, and can be even more painful when you are among friends and family yet still feel lonely and disconnected.
“The holiday season can accentuate the sense of loss, especially in the first year afterwards,” Wong says. And the associated costs of the festivities can add to the stress.
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Sometimes just having experts deem your own anxiety about holidays to be normal, and told it is OK to feel how you feel, can be helpful.
Here are some expert tips to help navigate the festive season, particularly if you or someone you love is coping with a mental health problem.
1. Do as you wish
There is “an idealised notion of perfect families and perfect holidays”, says Mahtani. “In most cases they do not exist.”
There are no rules that say you have to do what everybody else is doing, she says. You do not have to say yes to invitations.
Do what pleases you – including eating what you like, watching and listening to your favourite shows and music, indulging in your chosen hobbies.
2. Tempting traditions
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If you know someone facing such a battle, keep an eye on them. And if you struggle yourself, reach out to your therapist or loved one if things get tough.
3. Show compassion – to yourself and others
Do not judge them for not approaching the celebrations as you expect them to, or as you might.
“Please understand this is important for their emotional state of mind and overall well-being.”
4. Volunteer for mutual good
If you do not have plans with family or friends and are feeling at a loose end, consider volunteering.
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Lee Wing-yi, a senior programme officer at HandsOn Hong Kong, a charity with the mission to empower everyone in Hong Kong to volunteer, says volunteering is a two-way feel-good street.
“It provides individuals with a sense of purpose and meaning, and boosts self-esteem,” she says.
Because social workers and carers may be on a break over holidays, volunteers can provide a vital lifeline through visits, letters, phone calls and care-package deliveries.
Donate or sign up to extend therapists’ training
With 95-week waits to see a psychiatrist, Hong Kong charity fills the gap
This programme trains individuals to become well-being practitioners to deliver free therapy to individuals aged 18 to 65 experiencing mild to moderate mental health problems.
Such a support programme for young people will soon be available, and Mind HK is seeking aspiring iACT practitioners for its next session.
