Psychologist’s advice on coping with complex grief when you’ve lost a loved one to suicide
- Amid an alarming rise in Hong Kong students taking their lives, an expert says it is crucial to ask for help and find support when dealing with loss
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Grief is a complex emotion, and it’s important to seek help if you need it. Photo: ShutterstockWhen it comes to dealing with grief, many people believe that time alone will heal the pain. But that’s not always the case.
Waiting alone does not guarantee that emotional wounds will disappear, and it is crucial to seek help when dealing with the loss of a loved one, especially when it involves suicide.
Amid an alarming rise in Hong Kong students taking their own lives in recent months, a study by Chinese University found that nearly one in four of the city’s youth, aged six to 17, had experienced at least one mental health issue in the past year.
Concerned over the worsening mental health of the city’s younger generation, Adrian Low, a chartered psychologist who specialises in stress research, offered advice on coping with grief.
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Losing a loved one is an extremely painful experience, especially for youth. The expert said the first step was to acknowledge and express your emotions.
“Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions that come with grief. It’s normal to experience sadness, anger, guilt and confusion,” said Low, who is also president of the Hong Kong Association of Psychology.
He recommended finding healthy outlets for expressing these emotions, such as talking to someone you trust, writing in a journal, or engaging in creative activities like art or music.
Advice for coping with suicide loss
For people grieving loss due to suicide, the pain can be even more intense and complicated. They might dwell on the past, wishing they had stopped the tragedy.
“It’s common for survivors of suicide loss to experience guilt or self-blame,” Low said. “But remember that you are not responsible for the actions of your loved one.”
Practising self-compassion is important, the psychologist stressed. It involves being understanding and kind towards yourself during this difficult time. This can keep you from dwelling on the past and what you could have done differently.
Adding to the challenge of this grief is the judgment around suicide, which often stops people from talking openly about their sadness. Low advised finding supportive people and sharing about your emotions with them.
He also recommended joining in-person or online support groups specifically for suicide loss survivors to connect with others who are facing similar experiences.
According to a 2012 review of research on suicide bereavement, survivors of suicide loss are more likely to develop depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and an extended type of grief called complicated grief.
Low warned individuals to pay attention to warning signs about their own mental health. These symptoms can include changes in eating habits or sleep, a desire to stay away from loved ones, sadness or hopelessness that stays for a while, or thoughts of hurting yourself.
If these signs continue, reach out to a mental health professional who specialises in trauma or grief. “They can provide you with the necessary support, guidance and coping skills to navigate the complexities of your emotions and help you heal,” Low said.
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Complex journey
Another challenging aspect of the grieving process is handling things that belonged to the deceased since these can trigger memories from the past.
“Give yourself time and space to make these decisions. You may choose to keep meaningful items, donate them to a relevant organisation, or involve other family members in the decision-making process. It can also be helpful to consult a therapist or grief counsellor for guidance on this aspect of the grieving process,” Low advised.
The psychologist noted that making sense of the tragic loss of a loved one can be a complex journey.
“It can be helpful to explore ways to honour the memories of your loved one, such as participating in memorial activities, supporting suicide prevention efforts, or seeking meaning through personal growth and self-reflection,” he explained.
Lastly, one important reminder from the psychologist is that asking for help is a sign of strength.
“While it’s true that time can facilitate the healing process, it’s equally important to actively engage in coping strategies, seek support, and prioritise self-care. If you or someone you know is struggling with the aftermath of suicide, do not hesitate to seek professional help.”
If you have suicidal thoughts, or you know someone who is, help is available. Dial 2896-0000 for The Samaritans or 2382-0000 for Suicide Prevention Services.
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