Find yourself avoiding things that stress you out? Here’s when it’s healthy - and when it’s not
- Putting off important things in favour of games or hours on YouTube can be stressful and bad for your mental health
- One psychologist has advice on breaking out of this mindset and learning how to identify and change your habits
Unfortunately, pretending a task doesn't need to be done won't make it go away (we speak from experience).Do you put off important work, even if you know it needs to be done? Do you steer clear of family and friends when you can’t handle them asking about your unfinished work? Do you play games or watch YouTube videos excessively just to distract yourself from your long to-do list?
According to Dr Andrew Adler, a psychologist at the Adler Family Centre in Hong Kong, this kind of behaviour is characteristic of “avoidant coping”, which is when we cope with stress by avoiding the thing that stresses us.
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The stress of exams, combined with the uncertainty of the future and an overall lack of motivation, can lead to the desire to avoid tasks. It can be difficult juggling so many responsibilities and feelings at once, so it’s easier to do nothing.
“We use avoidance as an approach to escape a situation that makes us anxious or depressed,” says Adler. At times, avoidance can be healthy, when you need to take a break from the stress of work or from a negative person.
But whilst we’ve all experienced procrastination, it evolves into avoidant coping when we start avoiding important things without realising it. The key is whether you are aware of what you’re doing.
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“When it comes to online learning, it’s easy to disengage. You can turn off your video and audio, not participate in discussion, and it’s easy to not pay attention without realising,” he said, adding, “Come exam time, you’ll have even more stress to deal with.”
Essentially, it’s a vicious cycle in which avoiding something now creates an even more stressful situation in the future. When this cycle starts interfering with your life in ways that increase stress, it’s time to look at your habits. To overcome this mindset, Adler says you need to become aware of your habits and identify avoidance.
Examining your habits might cause more stress in the short term, but in the long term, it is important to understand the root cause of your avoidance – whether it’s stress from family, friends, school, or, likely, a combination of them.
Avoiding your problems and responsibilities will only cause more problems in the future.
What you can do
Identifying the sources of your stress will help you to better manage your avoidant coping.
Removing guilt, especially during this pandemic, is crucial to addressing your fear and stress about work.
Acknowledging that our current situation is not normal, may help lower your stress when you realise that you are not alone.
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For example, remember that students and teachers everywhere have struggled with learning online.
To minimise avoidance, Adler says you can encourage change in your thinking and behaviour by adopting “active coping”:
Remind yourself that the world is not ending. It might feel like it sometimes, but you can get through your tasks. And even if you don’t, it will be okay.
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Stop thinking in absolutes because it only leads to more stress, which feeds avoidant behaviour. For example, instead of thinking “if I fail my exam, I will never achieve my dream”, remember that there are always alternative paths to where you want to go in life.
Manage your expectations. If you are avoiding school work because you feel you’re falling behind, remember that learning online is not the same as being in a classroom. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and be kind to yourself – you’re doing your best despite difficult circumstances.
Practise deep breathing. If you’re experiencing stress, stop what you’re doing, and focus on your breathing. Physical action will help take you out of your thoughts.
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Speak to friends and family for emotional support. Sometimes, the problems you’re having feel bigger when you’re dealing with them on your own. An outside opinion can give you perspective on what you’re worried about.
If this doesn’t help with your stress, it’s important to seek help from a counsellor at school or from the Samaritans hotline .