Asking for a Friend: Help! I feel trapped at home, helping my mum take care of my siblings. What should I do?

Sincerely, Trapped

Help! I haven’t made progress on piano and my mum is making me feel worse

Dear Trapped,

We understand the stress you are under. It must be challenging for you as a teenager to take care of your siblings, and we want you to know that your dedication to your family is truly admirable. At the same time, it is perfectly justifiable to want your own time for social and personal development. We are glad you recognise your need to find balance. Here is some advice:

First, it is crucial to acknowledge the stress of taking up a caregiving role at such a young age. It is emotionally and physically demanding, and you are doing an amazing job. On top of the typical stresses of being a teenager, this additional responsibility can take a toll on your mental and physical well-being. It’s important to recognise that your needs are just as valid as those of your family members. So do not accept guilt or shame for expressing them and knowing what you deserve.

An honest and courteous conversation with your mother is a must. Try to avoid a negative or critical tone. Instead, stay calm and collected, emphasising that you understand the importance of helping at home and her situation as a single parent. Then, explain your need for some independence and time for yourself. Together, you can figure out a schedule or plan that accommodates both of you (and your siblings!). Writing up and rehearsing a few points before actually talking to your mother could be helpful. You can even write her a short letter (like a text message or handwritten note) if you feel more comfortable. Remember, communication is an ongoing process and requires mutual respect.

Help! All my friends are in relationships and I feel bad about being single

You might want to discuss your roles and responsibilities in the house. Determine what tasks are absolutely essential for you to complete and which ones you could delegate or reduce. This will help you manage your time effectively and give you time for your own interests. Make sure to schedule some “me-time” for yourself every day. Express your desire to hang out with friends. Engaging in a hobby, exercising, or taking a quiet moment are also good ways to take a break. Maintaining your well-being will help you navigate the demands at home.

There are plenty of professionals out there who are dedicated to supporting people with various needs. Please consider reaching out to local and community organisations, family centres and youth programmes that can provide feasible care options and other resources. Don’t wait until the stress of your situation has become too overwhelming for you or your mother to make good use of others’ support.

Finding balance is an ongoing process, and it may take some trial and error to determine what works best for your family. Remember that you’re doing a great job.

Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend

This question was answered by clinical psychologists from the Department of Health under Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.