FOMO hasn’t gone away during lockdown, it’s just moved online – but if everything’s cancelled because of the coronavirus, why are we still so afraid of missing out?

The coronavirus pandemic has cancelled many things, but FOMO – the “fear of missing out” – doesn’t appear to be one of them. Jennifer Wolkin, a New York-based clinical health and neuropsychologist, describes FOMO as “anxiety that’s elicited by the perception that others are thriving while we aren’t, or that others are overall experiencing a better version of life”. In other words, you know that sinking feeling you get when you see other people on holiday while you’re sitting at home? That’s FOMO. But with travel plans nixed, large gatherings cancelled and many stuck in quarantine, is 2020 a year of less FOMO? Maybe not. The fear of missing out is alive and well in lockdown, according to Wolkin and other mental health experts. “It’s shape-shifted,” she says. “It might not be looking at pictures of someone’s holiday or their parasailing trip or swimming with dolphins. It now becomes ‘They’re making sourdough starters,’ and ‘They’re going for a hike in these woods with their family, and I’m just on the couch and doing nothing and surviving and trying to find my breath.’ ” Here’s what you need to know about quarantine FOMO, including what triggers it and how to stop it. If everything’s cancelled, why is there still FOMO? As lockdown orders took hold across the world, Lalin Anik, an assistant professor of business administration at the University of Virginia in the United States, set out to learn more about the effect of quarantine on FOMO. What she found in her research, which she hopes to publish this winter, is that FOMO, like many things in 2020, hasn’t gone away – it’s just moved online. “Now FOMO is felt toward digital experiences that we cannot be part of, either because we’re just too tired, too busy, too overwhelmed,” she says. Throughout the pandemic, people have been bombarded with digital alternatives to in-person activities, such as Instagram Live workouts, online cooking classes and new films on streaming services. As a result, there’s actually more to miss out on, Anik says. “We’re almost overwhelmed by the flow of information,” she says. “What we find is that FOMO in the pandemic comes from the difficulty of catching up with all the things being offered online.” Social media is still a big FOMO trigger In addition to the abundance of virtual events, social media remains a major trigger of FOMO. Though many have flocked to Twitter, Facebook and Instagram to socialise during the pandemic, Anik says these sites breed more FOMO than they do genuine connection. “If I look at your social media, it doesn’t make me more connected to you,” she says. “It just makes me consume more posts or more content. But as a result of that, I feel more FOMO. I’m seeking social connection, I come to the virtual world, I don’t really get social connection, but I get more FOMO.” We also feel FOMO for what could have been Productivity expert Melissa Gratias, who wrote a children’s book about FOMO (Seraphina Does Everything!), notes that people also feel quarantine FOMO because they imagine what their 2020 could have been, were it not for coronavirus. For example, Gratias describes how her mother-in-law still has tickets to a cancelled concert under a magnet on her refrigerator. She’s holding onto the tickets in hope of a refund. “She sees these every day, these concert tickets,” Gratias says. “So it’s not just [comparing our lives] against other people, but it’s against the lives we would have been leading if we were not quarantined or social distancing.” Working from home? Avoid cabin fever with regular breaks Plus, uncertainty about the future doesn’t help either, says psychologist Kevin Chapman, director of the Kentucky Centre for Anxiety and Related Disorders in the US. Not knowing what’s coming next can make FOMO even worse. “What people who struggle with anxiety and people who struggle with FOMO particularly struggle with is this idea that uncertainty is somehow dangerous, when in reality it’s not,” he says. “It’s just that physiological arousal and the thoughts that I have about the uncertainty enhances the emotional experience, which makes it worse.” So what can you do about quarantine FOMO? Fortunately, there are ways to mitigate FOMO for a more pleasant quarantine. One is shifting your social media consumption from a passive experience to an active one. Anik says this can be done by interacting with people on social media, rather than just scrolling absent-mindedly. Wolkin recommends engaging in “mindful media”, by following accounts that trigger positive emotions and unfollowing ones that cause FOMO. She’s also a “huge fan” of gratitude journals, in which you write down things you’re grateful for. “You’re taking the attention away from lack and redirecting it towards a greater sense of abundance,” she says. “It’s hard for the brain to focus on what we thought was a complete lack, when we can bring a sense of what we do have into our constant focus.” Anik also proposed an alternative to FOMO: JOMO, or “the joy of missing out”. She says this can be achieved by finding happiness in the present moment, in whatever you may be doing. And, of course, remember that you are trying your best. These are unprecedented times and just making it through the day is more than enough. “It’s more than OK to literally just survive. You don’t have to have a ‘productive pandemic’,” Wolkin says. “In some ways, we’re all missing out.”