‘I could not say Mum or Dad’: adoption stories in Hong Kong from those who have been touched by it
- November 9 is World Adoption Day. Adoptees and those who adopted share their stories and talk about the support they have had from organisations in the city
- One Hongkonger, who entered the care system when he was four, was 15 when a US family adopted him. ‘I could not say Mum or Dad,’ he says of the first few days
Megan Docherty has a busy extracurricular schedule: gymnastics, taekwondo, swimming lessons, art classes. Just this month she has four drum recitals.
“At the November 27 concert I’ll be playing the timpani. It’s a big and very unusual drum with a really low sound,” says the nine-year-old.
“Lots of people will be watching and the last song of the day will be my orchestra – I’ll play an Italian symphony and Symphony Number Eight on the timpani.”
Her brother’s schedule is equally packed, and today he will be indulging in his favourite activity – football. “I also play the drums and guitar and have swimming and taekwondo lessons,” says Thomas, aged 11.
It is 11am on a Saturday and the pair are enjoying an alfresco family breakfast. It is obvious they have a close bond, one that is perhaps strengthened by them both being adopted.
Megan was five-and-a-half months old when she was adopted by Teresa and Mike Docherty.
The process, which starts with a formal application to Hong Kong’s Social Welfare Department or one of three accredited adoption bodies (Mother’s Choice, International Social Services, Po Leung Kuk) is a streamlined one, says Mike.
“It takes between 10 months and a year to get approved, followed by matching,” says Mike, who was born in Scotland but has called Hong Kong home for almost 30 years.
Matching is based on compatibility, and applicants of the same cultural, religious and ethnic background as the child are prioritised.
“There are seminars and courses and lots of paperwork about your financials, medical reports, references,” he says.
Having good mental and physical health is also among the criteria. So are background checks. “If you have a criminal record then you can’t adopt.”
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“The adoption process in Hong Kong always has the child’s best interests in mind,” says Vivian Ip of Adoptive Families of Hong Kong (AFHK), a charity run by volunteers.
“We also conduct presentations for community organisations and schools on adoption-related issues.”
Having a support network is vital, Ip says.
“Every adoptee needs a community to support each other and grow up together. We recently had an AFHK picnic where about 12 families came together to chat and bond – everybody has a similar story.”
Teresa Docherty says AFHK’s support has been invaluable.
“I remember being so scared the first time I gave Thomas a bath,” says Hong Kong-born Docherty. “But the support from AFHK is amazing.
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“That’s why I set up play dates and chat groups with members, to talk and share stories – and we still get together for some long weekends and Christmas.”
November 9 is World Adoption Day, a time when adoptees are encouraged to share their stories. Luke Franz, 30, is happy to share his.
Born in Hong Kong, Franz entered the care system after police found him wandering the streets when he was about four. He had been living with a relative and has never met his biological parents.
What makes his story so unusual is the age he was adopted: Franz was 15 when a family from the US state of South Dakota adopted him.
“Leaving Hong Kong on a plane for the first time and arriving in a rural town of 60,000 people was overwhelming,” he says. “I was welcomed at the airport by 100 people and into a big family comprising three brothers and two adopted sisters – and six dogs!
“The first few days, I was just trying to fit in and find my way but I could not say Mum or Dad or use their real names. I would just say, Where do I sleep? Where are the pillows?”
It was a culture shock.
“I was the only Chinese at my high school,” says Franz, who returned to Hong Kong in 2014.
“Of course I miss my family but I don’t miss scooping up all the dog and horse poo,” he laughs.
Becky Holdaway was 18 months old when she was adopted by a Hong Kong-based British couple who could not have children through birth.
“I was in a children’s home with about 100 other babies and toddlers,” says Holdaway.
“My sister was also adopted a couple of years after me,” says Holdaway, who went to secondary school and college in Britain, where she trained in child care. “I love kids and have a connection with children and adoptees, and how children should be looked after, especially when they’re in care.”
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Now back in Hong Kong, Holdaway – who runs her own logistics company – says she has taken steps to trace her biological parents but is in no rush to find them.
Ip says there are many things that motivate adoptees to trace their roots, and they go beyond curiosity to fill in missing gaps or the desire to heal past wounds. There can be medical or genealogical reasons, as well as a desire to discover a birth family’s history and collect birth information while it is available.
Holdaway says: “I know my adoptive parents are my family, but there’s always been a question in the background of who my biological parents are.”
