Asking for a Friend: Help! My dad gets angry when I spend too much money on food. What should I do?
- Each week, we respond to a question from our readers and give advice and resources they can turn to
- This week, we help a teen who says their dad always worries about money
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Dear Friend,
How do I deal with a father who is constantly worried about money and gets very angry when I spend too much on food?
Signed, Spendy
Dear Spendy,
It can be hard to understand why our parents behave the way they do because there are so many things to factor in. So, instead, let’s look at what I think you’re really asking: why does my dad get mad when I buy food instead of eating at home? There are three immediate possibilities:
I wish I had my friend’s supportive parents. How do I deal with my strict family?
1. Your dad is worried about money.
If it really is about finances, then the solution may be to ask your dad how much money you are allowed to spend on a weekly basis. Be straightforward and practical; before that conversation, make a budget of your expenses and any possible extra purchases you may need to make during the month. Present that budget to your dad and start the negotiations. Be respectful (since it really is his money) and ask your dad what he thinks is a reasonable working budget. If it’s too little, show him the reality of how much life as a teen in Hong Kong really costs. Your dad may assume you are not thinking about money in a responsible way, so presenting a plan for your spending will show him you are.
2. Your dad thinks outside food is less healthy or costs more than home food.
If he thinks outside food is unhealthy or more expensive, you can demonstrate that you’re not just going to McDonald’s and Circle K. Tell him you are choosing healthy options and eating a variety of foods and give examples of what you eat. Reassure him that you are keeping nutrition in mind, making responsible choices, and keeping your meals within an agreed-upon budget.
Help! How do I get my parents to stop comparing me to other people?
3. There is food at home for you to eat, and it is going to waste.
If your dad simply wants you to eat at home, this might be because everything is set up for this. Who is cooking at home? Is your dad upset because someone is preparing food for you that ends up in the rubbish?
If this is the situation, you must let your dad know why you want to eat outside instead. Is it because you want to spend time with your friends? Do you dislike the food made at home? Do you get hungry while you’re out at tutoring or another activity and can’t wait until you get home to eat? Tell your dad what is really going on. If he can understand why this is important to you, he will be empathetic and try to find a working solution that makes both of you happy.
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Lolita Schmalenberg, a psychotherapist and teen and adult therapist at Lifespan Counselling.