bodyType

customContents

entityId

printArticlePageQuery

filter

article

body

urlAlias

articleSectionsContent

articleSeoArticle

articleSourceHeaderArticle

contentSchemaRenderContent

contentSubHeadlineContent

contentHeadlineContent

mainImagePrintArticleArticle

authorBlockPrintArticleArticle

contentSponsorTagContent

articlePianoPaywallContent

scmpYoutubeContent

hooksTrackPageViewArticle

query printArticlePageQuery(
  $entityId: String!
  $customContents: [CustomContentInput]
  $bodyType: BodyFormatTypeEnum
) {
  article(filter: {entityId: $entityId}) {
    entityId
    body(customContents: $customContents, type: $bodyType) {
      json
    }
    urlAlias
    ...articleSectionsContent
    ...articleSeoArticle_3o8td4
    ...articleSourceHeaderArticle
    ...contentSchemaRenderContent
    ...contentSubHeadlineContent
    ...contentHeadlineContent
    ...mainImagePrintArticleArticle
    ...authorBlockPrintArticleArticle
    ...contentSponsorTagContent
    ...articlePianoPaywallContent
    ...scmpYoutubeContent
    ...hooksTrackPageViewArticle
    id
  }
}

fragment articlePianoPaywallContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  ...hooksPaywallPromiseContent
}

fragment articleSectionsContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  sections {
    value {
      ...helpersCheckIfNewsSectionInFirstIndexSection
      ...entityLink
      name
      id
    }
  }
}

fragment articleSeoArticle_3o8td4 on Article {
  ...hooksArticleSeoArticle
  ...helpersCheckIsPostiesArticle
  ...helpersGetArticleTypeArticle
  entityId
  publishedDate
  updatedDate
  summary {
    text
  }
  subHeadline {
    text
  }
  body(customContents: $customContents, type: $bodyType) {
    text
  }
  keywords
  sections {
    value {
      name
      id
    }
  }
  topics {
    name
    entityId
    id
  }
  urlAlias
  authors {
    name
    id
  }
  images {
    style(filter: {style: "768x768"}) {
      url
    }
  }
  readingTime
}

fragment articleSourceHeaderArticle on Article {
  urlAlias
  ...entityLink
}

fragment authorBlockPrintArticleArticle on Article {
  ...defaultArticleDateContent
  ...authorNamesArticle
}

fragment authorNameAuthor on Author {
  ...entityLink
  name
  entityUuid
}

fragment authorNamesArticle on Article {
  authorLocations
  authors {
    entityId
    location
    ...authorNameAuthor
    id
  }
}

fragment blockquoteQuoteContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  ...contentShareWidgetContent
}

fragment checkersCheckContentContainsStarlingImageContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  topics {
    entityId
    id
  }
}

fragment contentHeadlineContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  headline
  socialHeadline
  ...contentHeadlineTagContent
  ...helpersUseContentSponsorContent
}

fragment contentHeadlineTagContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  ...hooksContentHeadlineTagContent
}

fragment contentNewsletterWidgetContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  topics {
    relatedNewsletters {
      ...helpersMassageToNewsletterItemNewsletter
      id
    }
    id
  }
  sections {
    value {
      relatedNewsletters {
        ...helpersMassageToNewsletterItemNewsletter
        id
      }
      id
    }
  }
  ... on Article {
    relatedNewsletters {
      ...helpersMassageToNewsletterItemNewsletter
      id
    }
  }
}

fragment contentSchemaRenderContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  ...blockquoteQuoteContent
  ...imageContent
  ...inlineWidgetContent
  ...photoGalleryWidgetContent
  ...scmpYoutubeContent
}

fragment contentShareWidgetContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  entityId
  urlAlias
  shortUrl
  socialHeadline
  headline
}

fragment contentSponsorTagContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  ...helpersUseContentSponsorContent
}

fragment contentSubHeadlineContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  subHeadline {
    json
  }
  summary {
    json
  }
  ...contentSchemaRenderContent
}

fragment defaultArticleDateContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  ...hooksArticleDateUtilsContent
}

fragment entityLink on BaseWithApplicationAndUrlAlias {
  __isBaseWithApplicationAndUrlAlias: __typename
  __typename
  entityId
  entityUuid
  urlAlias
  urlRedirect {
    toUrl
    id
  }
  application {
    entityId
    id
  }
  ... on Section {
    fullSectionPath {
      entityId
      id
    }
    parentSection
  }
  ...helpersAppBarVariantBase
  ...helpersApplicationBase
  ...helpersCheckIsPlusArticle
  ...helpersStyleSectionContent
}

fragment helpersAppBarVariantBase on BaseWithApplicationAndUrlAlias {
  __isBaseWithApplicationAndUrlAlias: __typename
  ...helpersCheckIsLiveArticle
  ...helpersCheckIsPlusPage
  ...helpersCheckIsPostiesArticle
  ...helpersCheckIsPostiesPage
  ...helpersCheckIsPostMagazineArticle
  ...helpersCheckIsStyleArticle
  ...helpersSectionContent
  ...helpersStyleSectionContent
}

fragment helpersApplicationBase on BaseWithApplicationAndUrlAlias {
  __isBaseWithApplicationAndUrlAlias: __typename
  ...helpersCheckIsPostiesArticle
  ...helpersCheckIsPostiesPage
  ...helpersCheckIsPlusPage
}

fragment helpersCheckIfNewsSectionInFirstIndexSection on Section {
  name
}

fragment helpersCheckIsAmpEnabledArticle on Article {
  entityId
  types {
    value {
      entityId
      id
    }
  }
  sections {
    value {
      entityId
      id
    }
  }
  disableOffPlatformContent
  sponsorType
  published
  ...helpersCheckIsPlusArticle
  ...helpersCheckIsPostiesArticle
}

fragment helpersCheckIsLiveArticle on Article {
  flattenTypeIds
  liveArticle {
    status
    id
  }
}

fragment helpersCheckIsMainTopicContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  topics {
    entityId
    id
  }
}

fragment helpersCheckIsPlusArticle on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  ... on Article {
    paywallTypes {
      entityUuid
      id
    }
  }
}

fragment helpersCheckIsPlusPage on Page {
  urlAlias
}

fragment helpersCheckIsPostMagazineArticle on Article {
  sections {
    value {
      entityId
      id
    }
  }
}

fragment helpersCheckIsPostiesArticle on Article {
  sections {
    value {
      entityId
      id
    }
  }
}

fragment helpersCheckIsPostiesPage on Page {
  urlAlias
}

fragment helpersCheckIsStyleArticle on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  sections {
    value {
      entityId
      id
    }
  }
}

fragment helpersGetArticleTypeArticle on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  ... on Article {
    types {
      value {
        entityId
        id
      }
    }
  }
}

fragment helpersMassageToNewsletterItemNewsletter on Newsletter {
  entityId
  name
  alternativeName
  description {
    text
  }
  summary {
    text
  }
  homepageDescription {
    text
  }
}

fragment helpersSanitizeArticleTypeEntityIdsArticle on Article {
  types {
    value {
      entityId
      id
    }
  }
}

fragment helpersSanitizeAuthorTypesArticle on Article {
  authors {
    types
    id
  }
}

fragment helpersSanitizedAuthorEntityIdsArticle on Article {
  authors {
    entityId
    id
  }
}

fragment helpersSectionContent on Section {
  fullSectionPath {
    entityId
    id
  }
}

fragment helpersStyleSectionContent on Section {
  fullSectionPath {
    entityId
    id
  }
}

fragment helpersUseContentSponsorContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  topics {
    entityId
    sponsor {
      ...sponsorTagSponsor
      name
      type
      id
    }
    id
  }
  ... on Article {
    sponsorType
  }
  ...helpersCheckIsMainTopicContent
}

fragment hooksArticleDateUtilsContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  createdDate
  publishedDate
  updatedDate
}

fragment hooksArticleSeoArticle on Article {
  ...helpersCheckIsPostiesArticle
  ...helpersCheckIsPostMagazineArticle
  ...helpersCheckIsStyleArticle
  ...hooksContentHeadlineTagContent
  ...helpersCheckIsAmpEnabledArticle
  entityId
  headline
  socialHeadline
  types {
    value {
      entityId
      id
    }
  }
  authors {
    entityId
    id
  }
  images {
    generic_og: style(filter: {style: "og_image_scmp_generic"}) {
      url
    }
    styles(filter: {styles: ["og_image_posties_article", "og_postmag", "og_image_style", "og_image_scmp_analysis", "og_image_scmp_explainer", "og_image_scmp_editorial", "og_image_scmp_fact_check", "og_image_scmp_debate", "og_image_scmp_live", "og_image_scmp_obituary", "og_image_scmp_opinion", "og_image_scmp_review", "og_image_scmp_series", "og_image_scmp_generic"]}) {
      url
      style
    }
    type
  }
  urlAlias
}

fragment hooksContentHeadlineTagContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  __typename
  ... on Article {
    types {
      value {
        name
        entityId
        description {
          text
        }
        id
      }
    }
    ...helpersCheckIsStyleArticle
  }
  flag
  sections {
    value {
      name
      id
    }
  }
  ...hooksContentHelperContent
}

fragment hooksContentHelperContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  ...helpersSanitizeArticleTypeEntityIdsArticle
  ...helpersSanitizeAuthorTypesArticle
  ...helpersSanitizedAuthorEntityIdsArticle
  flag
}

fragment hooksPaywallPromiseContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  entityId
  ...helpersCheckIsPostiesArticle
}

fragment hooksTrackPageViewArticle on Article {
  entityId
  publishedDate
  headline
  sections {
    value {
      name
      id
    }
  }
  urlAlias
  authors {
    name
    id
  }
  entityUuid
}

fragment imageContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  headline
  ...checkersCheckContentContainsStarlingImageContent
}

fragment inlineWidgetContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  ...contentNewsletterWidgetContent
}

fragment mainImagePrintArticleArticle on Article {
  images {
    title
    url
    isSlideshow
    size_652x446: style(filter: {style: "652x446"}) {
      url
    }
  }
}

fragment photoGalleryDialogContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  __typename
  ...contentShareWidgetContent
}

fragment photoGalleryWidgetContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  ...photoGalleryDialogContent
}

fragment scmpYoutubeContent on Content {
  __isContent: __typename
  entityId
  urlAlias
  publishedDate
}

fragment sponsorTagSponsor on Sponsor {
  name
  type
  images {
    url
  }
}


sections

types

disableOffPlatformContent

sponsorType

published

headline

socialHeadline

authors

images

publishedDate

updatedDate

summary

subHeadline

keywords

topics

readingTime

authorLocations

entityUuid

Luisa Tam

 
Feeling trapped in a relationship will make anyone feel suffocated – and that feeling can lead to misery, despair or even depression.
It can cause partners to dislike, distrust or hate one another, because each sees the other as the enemy keeping them trapped.
Such relationships can become very toxic and self-destructive, but some people are too afraid to take responsibility for their choices and regain control of the situation to live the life they want.
As a result, they hide these negative feelings, endure them in silence and carry on as usual because of obligations or the fear of letting people down.

People who feel trapped are unaware they have options to free themselves and their partners, or don’t know how to express themselves. They resign themselves to a lifetime of misery and feel unable to change their predicament.
So how do two people who used to love each other get stuck in an emotional rut?
Tips for making your relationship as strong as possible
“When we meet someone we like, we spend all our time trying to build intimacy so that we feel ‘known, seen and safe’,” says Valentina Tudose, a relationship expert and certified hypnotherapist. “A desire to ‘merge’ with this person, to become ‘one’, to get to know each other deeply, and be accepted by them is the first objective we try to achieve.
“While this is great and completely natural in the ‘romance or lust phase’ of the relationship, it can backfire when this merger goes so deep that a person feels they are losing their sense of identity.”
When this happens, Tudose says, it triggers a fear of being smothered or trapped and of losing oneself and it leads to the second phase of a relationship, the “power struggle”.

“After the ‘romance phase’ is complete, we unconsciously go the other way trying to redefine our sense of identity and figure out how this relationship has changed us.”
This is when we start to notice aspects of a partner that are not perfect as once thought, she adds. “We realise that things may not be as they seemed.
“Depending on the choices we made, how committed we have become, how we settled for less than what we wanted, and how we didn’t establish clear boundaries, we may find ourselves stuck in situations we perceive as hopeless.”
For most people, a balanced relationship means enough time to do things together with their partner but also spending enough time in individual pursuits that make them happy
Valentina Tudose, relationship expert and certified hypnotherapist
This gives us the impression we have to endure the situation, even if it means suffering in silence.
Sometimes, this helplessness becomes so ingrained that people stay years or decades in this space, growing ever more resentful of their partner. Such people fail to recognise that not making a choice is a choice in itself, and that the only way out is to take action, Tudose explains.
Tudose says: “All relationships evolve differently and are subject to different kinds of pressures. For most people, a balanced relationship means enough time to do things together with their partner but also spending enough time in individual pursuits that make them happy.

“When this ‘me time’ is lacking because of imposed quarantine [such as during the coronavirus pandemic], or when couples are forced to face their lack of intimacy and connection, the sense that they are no longer who they were becomes much more noticeable and a lot of conflicts appear as a result.
“Couples who have a clear sense of self identity, who are used to spending time together but also respect each other’s space, can even enjoy the experience without feeling trapped or smothered, as they are clear on boundaries and roles and have aligned their expectations,” Tudose says.
The act of unconditional love: how to love without limits
For those who fear that feeling trapped might spell the end of their relationship, Tudose offers this insight. “I believe most of the time, we fall in love with a fantasy we create of a person rather than the ‘real’ them; that’s what the ‘romance phase’ is based on.
“When this part of the relationship is over, reality kicks in. It is not to say that the love is gone. It’s more like it’s time for a realistic re-evaluation of the connection.”
What people need to do is to re-evaluate what brought you together and what is keeping you together. If this forces you to realise your reason is based on a short-lived attraction, it is a good sign you need to move on.

On the other hand, she points out that if “the feeling you’re trapped comes from your own fears of losing yourself, it’s actually an opportunity to redefine who you want to be and accept the wonderful gift your relationship has given you: the chance to discover a new improved version of yourself and create the next level of connection with your partner”.
Tudose offers advice on how to free yourself from feeling trapped without having to break up.
“The best way to overcome helplessness, which is the emotion associated with being stuck, is to ask yourself this: ‘What is it that I am allowing by not choosing to take action? What is stopping me from being at peace in this relationship? What expectations do I have that are not being met, and what can I do about it?’”
Long-distance relationships: tips on how to make them work
She explains: “Our disappointment and unhappiness is often created by a misalignment between the reality of being with other people and our expectations of how things ‘should be’. If we clarify where this gap has come from, we can adjust our expectations and learn the lesson of that experience and get out, or accept our partner and situation for what it is.
“Once there is no conflict between those two views, the feeling of being trapped will disappear.”
As to how to avoid making your partner feel trapped, she says: “Show support and appreciation, encourage your partner to make choices that are productive for them and support their dreams. Encouraging new ideas without judgment or criticism is of utmost importance, because all they need is motivation to take action that puts them back in control.”
Warning signs of feeling trapped
● Feeling disconnected from your partner
● Becoming more introverted, colder and less responsive
● Building an invisible protective wall around yourself
● Constantly seeking conflict, even over the most trivial of matters
● Having built-up anger and resentment towards your partner
Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post


How to avoid feeling trapped in a relationship, from spending time on your own hobbies to evaluating why you’re together

One of the warning signs of feeling trapped is becoming more introverted, colder and less responsive. Photo: Getty Images

The wife and husband turn back , sad woman and angry man looking to reach other, unhappy couple laying on the bed. Conflict and family concept .

***ONE TIME USE ONLY, PLEASE CLEAR THE COPYRIGHTS BEFORE RE-USE - OTUO*** Valentina Tudose, Dating Coach and Relationship Expert, Happy Ever After. Photo: Handout

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Comment


People who feel trapped in a relationship are unaware they have options to free themselves and their partners, and resign themselves to a life of misery
Acknowledging these feelings doesn’t mean the end of a relationship, says an expert – ‘it’s more like it’s time for a realistic re-evaluation of the connection’



It can lead to misery, despair or depression, and foster dislike or distrust – if you feel trapped in a relationship, acknowledging these feelings will help you regain control.


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Expresses the views, ideas and conclusions of the author. (Eg. Enough of Crazy Rich Asians, think of crazy poor Hongkongers.)


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The Naked Truth | How to avoid feeling trapped in a relationship, from spending time on your own hobbies to evaluating why you’re together