Advice: I strive for perfection, but it makes me unhappy

Difficulty: Explorer (Level 1)

Nothing is perfect. This is especially true for things that change, like grades and people. No matter how hard you work to control some things, there will always be other things that affect the result.

You’re probably really tired of always feeling like you have to be the best at everything. No wonder you’re not happy. It’s OK to have things you want to achieve – in fact, it’s important to have goals. But it’s better to be more specific about what you want to do.

Is there a class you really want to do well in? Do you want to spend more time with your parents? Having clear goals like these will help you feel like you’re making progress when you achieve something.

Trying to be perfect isn’t healthy. It’s impossible, and not reaching that goal can hurt your feelings and make you feel bad about yourself.

Instead, try to be your best. You can always do better, and getting better is a good goal. But if you forget about being perfect, you won’t stress out so much about trying to do something that can’t be done.

This response has been vetted by Ken Fung, a clinical psychologist, director of therapy and counselling at The Jadis Blurton Family Development Centre, and founder of Your Relationship Clinic.

Questions

• Why do you think some people try so hard to be perfect?

• What are some things you can do to “be your best” instead of striving for perfection?