Group Buying
I mean, it’s impossible not to. Everybody loves clicking stuff. That’s why we spend six hours on YouTube in a row. That’s why we open moronic things like a “Memories—Summer 2006” Facebook album of somebody you barely know. In fact, the only things I don’t click on these days are links to life-changing stories friends send me about their trips to help poor people. But how could I? Life is busy and I don’t really have the time.
When my sister first told me about Groupon, I thought she had contracted some sort of terrible STD. “Slow down now,” I nervously said. “Why are you telling me this? I’m not a doctor—that’s just something I tell girls in clubs.” “No,” she explained, “Groupon is a group buying site, where you get big discounts on products and services if enough people sign up for a deal. It’s huge in the States.” “Really?” I said, wondering who the hell would do something like that.
Fast-forward three months and I had my answer: me. Me me me me me me me. I LOVE group-buying websites. Thankfully, there are 25 million of them in Hong Kong. Off of the top of my head, there’s Valuup, Twangoo, CrowdDeal, MobMoney, and uBuyiBuy, and only two of those names are fake. Every day I am inundated with deals like “78 percent off for a hot air balloon ride!” or similar, which frankly is much better than those NecesCity ads with a picture of a guy’s butt on the newsletter.
The deals are so seductive because we’re genetically programmed to love huge sales. It makes us proud to tell people about the discount; whispering “on sale” to ourselves makes us feel better, like when two fat people split a dessert and pretend it’s calorie-free.
I believe the clinical term for this is the I’m-a-huge-sucker and if you don’t believe me, remember ladies, I’m a doctor.
“Just click here for the deal of the day!” the sites say and I happily click my day away. I mean, it’s impossible not to. Everybody loves clicking stuff. That’s why we spend six hours on YouTube in a row. That’s why we open moronic things like a “Memories—Summer 2006” Facebook album of somebody you barely know. In fact, the only things I don’t click on these days are links to life-changing stories friends send me about their trips to help poor people. But how could I? Life is busy and I don’t really have the time. I gotta buy a coupon for a 62 percent discount for 12 sessions of Artjamming. We all need to express ourselves.
In the past month, here are some things that I have actually bought from these sites: