Hey gang, Bruce Dawson here, comin’ at ya. Well, you may have noticed from my picture that I’m currently encased in carbonite. Again, you ask? Well, the bounty hunters have been on my back once more thanks to my negative review of Nobu’s new restaurant, Nobu Lunar. But even when I’m frozen in a suspended animation, I’ll still stand by my reviews – mainly because I’m unable to sit down. Or move at all, for that matter. But never fear, gentle reader, I’m still perfectly able to dish up that gastro gossip.
Can you believe that health food restaurant Caloroni’s is charging 8,000 New Roubles for a plate of Virtual Food? I mean, the stuff doesn’t even exist! Most of the time, the cutlery is nonexistent too, so you can’t even pretend to be eating! Jeez, sometimes you just want to bite down into a good ol’ fashioned Moostrich Burger. Enough of your fancy holo-projection crap - just give me a cow-ostrich hybrid any day! 9x1013 Patten Rd., Old Town, Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.
The Koreans have always been known for their cook-your-own barbecues. But now Airy Wang restaurant has introduced its new and improved Trans-Dimensional cook-your-own barbecues. With these, you get to see what your parallel self is eating at the same time, in another dimension! Have you always wanted to see what food is like in that universe where everyone looks like spiders? Well, now you can reach across the multiverses and try some! Word of warning: stay clear if you’re not a fan of flies or evil twins who emerge from a parallel existence and steal your life. 269/F (Mezzanine level), Elsie Tu Memorial Gardens, New New New New Territories.
Congratulations to Krispy Kreme, which has opened its eight billionth shop in Hong Kong. This is a first for the company, which has never before had outlets on 100 percent of all land in a territory. Well done, guys. Here’s to taking over space/time as well. Anywhere, Hong Kong Island.
I was in Off-Central the other day with a few weeks to kill, so I headed down to The Infinity Buffet at the Mandarin Sub-Continental. It was pretty good, but by the end of the second day, I’m pretty sure I saw the exact same ham I saw on day one. I nurse a suspicion that they (and I know they’re going to call the bounty hunters on me for saying this, but for you, dear reader, I shall stop at nothing) were being cheap - I’m pretty sure this so-called “Infinite Buffet” was nothing more than a really large torus. You’ve been warned. 19 Tung Chee-hwa Alley, Off-Central Sector, Old Town.
And now a treat for all of our out-of-town guests: grill joint Charr’d, once known for its notorious humans-only policy, has introduced a Probe Night! If your physiognomy differs from that of a hume, then it’s one free probe at the door, and two-for-one for the rest of the evening! Non-game human patrons, stay away!