A few reasons why tourists don’t fit in at Rio’s famous beaches

From his paddleboard rental tent at the far end of Ipanema Beach, Paulo Vitor Breves has ample opportunity to observe the beachgoing Olympic tourist in his new foreign habitat.

Several distinct traits identify the gringo, he notes. Most foreigners pick up their rubbish instead of leaving it strewn across the sand. The women hide behind towels and awkwardly shimmy out of their bulky outer clothes. And that vast bottom half of the tourist swimsuit always comes as a shocker.

“Their bikinis look like underpants,” says Breves.

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The beaches of Rio are governed by intricate protocols. Where to sit, what to eat, how to interact with your fellow half-naked man. When the world’s tourists come galumphing in for two weeks during the Olympics, smeared with mosquito repellent, wearing backpacks on their chests and sneakers in the sand, they are bound to be breaking several invisible and inviolate rules.

So let us stop pretending that we care so much about archery and dressage and take a stroll down Ipanema. We, of course, see the Brazilians, with their floss-sized bikinis and snug sunga shorts, but how do they see us?

“They drink. A lot,” says Alexandre Conceição, 27, who studies the tourists while tending to beach chairs and umbrellas at a stand called Barraca Mineiro. He is used to Brazilians enjoying an icy beer. But some foreigners “get so drunk on caipirinhas that they fall asleep and their friends have to carry them home.”