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“Happiness cannot, like a mathematical theorem, be proven,” wrote German poet Heinrich von Kleist to his sister in 1799. “It must be felt if it is to exist.”
However, over the past decades, researchers have tried to do just that, looking at what it means to feel happy and what can help us to achieve that state.
According to Dorothee Salchow, a life coach trained in positive psychology in Germany, joy derived from luck, like winning the lottery, does not make us happy in the long run.
Instead, she likens happiness to a state of “well-being, the inner experience of human happiness”.


Salchow knows what leads to sustained happiness. And she has the science to prove it.
“According to everything we know from research, positive emotions have a strong impact on our well-being,” says Salchow.
How to live a happy and purposeful life after retirement
“That may sound counter-intuitive at first, to look for positive emotions when you’re not feeling well. Basically, it is important that all emotions or feelings are allowed to exist.”
If you want to increase your well-being, it is worth reflecting on your day and taking stock of the things that sparked your interest, that made you feel amused or happy or proud or loved, Salchow recommends.
As a blueprint, the psychologist recommends “the big 10 emotions” studied by positive psychology scholar Barbara Fredrickson: love, joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration and awe.

“We know that experiencing positive emotions leads to us being able to perceive and process more stimuli in the short term,” Salchow says.
Experiencing positive emotions increases the formation of neural connections, she explains, which supports our mental flexibility and creativity, as well as our problem-solving ability.
“As a result, we build up new resources that we can access in the short term, and in the long term this leads to us being able to cope better with our everyday lives and experience more positive emotions.”
Celebrity biohacker Ben Greenfield’s tips for a longer, happier life
Another way to boost your happiness is to reflect on your own strengths, the coach says.
Instead of looking at specific skills, like being good at maths, try and think about how you go about things, Salchow recommends. For example, you might find that you are a very prudent person, or have a great sense of beauty.
Knowing our strengths and using them helps to improve our well-being in the long run, the expert says.

Other well-researched positive character traits include curiosity, judgment, fairness, wisdom, social intelligence or even humility, according to Salchow.
If you want to be happier, it always helps if you are doing something that feels meaningful, the coach says.
“Studies have shown that people with a high sense of purpose are happier,” Salchow says. Whether at home, at work or when doing volunteer work, try to find something that allows you to contribute to the bigger picture, she recommends.
‘Truly fulfilling’: how being kind and helping others benefit your health
For many people, the to-do list might be the ultimate downer, but “setting and achieving goals also makes us happy”, according to Salchow.
When setting yourself goals, it does not always have to be extraordinary things like running a marathon or getting a degree, the expert says.
“There are times in our lives when making it out the door once a day is already an achievement. It is important for our sense of happiness that we recognise this as a goal and as an achievement – to pause, so to speak, and say: ‘Look, I’ve done it!’”

The absolute number one factor for more happiness in life is good, supportive social relationships, Salchow says.
Since 1938, Harvard University has been running a Study of Adult Development, one of the world’s longest, looking at psychological variables and biological processes in two groups of men over the past 80-plus years, to understand their impact on health and well-being late in life.
This US-based study has shown that happiness does not depend on having lots of relationships, Salchow points out. “It is enough to have one or two people in our lives whom we perceive as supportive.”

It has also been found that doing something for others or supporting someone else’s happiness makes us happier than trying to make ourselves happy, she adds.
That means it is up to us to turn a relationship into a supportive one, which at the same time will also contribute to our own happiness, Salchow says.
Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard study, has co-written a book about it called The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.
Can you be more than ‘just’ happy? Yes – a psychologist explains how
In it, he divides happiness into two categories: one is a hedonic sense of well-being, which means “I am having a good time right now”.
Then there is eudaimonic well-being, “the feeling that one’s life is meaningful and fundamentally good”.
While with hedonistic well-being it is clear that we are enjoying ourselves in that moment, this is not necessarily the case with eudaimonic well-being.

For example, reading the same bedtime story to your child for the umpteenth time is often not fun. “But is it the most meaningful thing you can do at that moment? Yes,” Waldinger argues.
There is often a difference between what brings us immediate joy and what feels valuable or meaningful.
Every person needs to experience both, according to Waldinger.

We start running into problems when we only chase after hedonistic well-being instead of “the more mundane, but ultimately more meaningful kind”, the happiness expert says.
Like what you read? Follow SCMP Lifestyle on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You can also sign up for our eNewsletter here.


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Wellness

How to be happy: do things for others, live a purposeful life, set and achieve goals, have good friends, life coach says

How to be happy? Have good friends, live a purposeful life, set yourself goals, do something for others, and reflect on each day – what made you feel loved, what stimulated you – a life coach says. Photo: Shutterstock

Dorothee Salchow is a life coach trained in positive psychology. Photo: LinkedIn

To be happy, reflect on your day and take stock of the things that sparked your interest, that made you feel amused or happy or proud or loved. Photo: Shutterstock

Doing something for others or supporting someone else’s happiness makes us happier than trying to make ourselves happy. Photo: Shutterstock

Robert Waldinger leads the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Photo: Harvard Medical School 

The cover of the book Waldinger co-wrote. Photo: Amazon

Reading the same bedtime story to your child for the umpteenth time is often not fun – but Waldinger says it may be the most meaningful thing you can do at that moment. Photo: Shutterstock

How to be happy? 10 keys to happiness from the author of a bestseller about achieving it – she’s a Dane, often ranked one of the world’s happiest people

Malene Rydahl speaks in Paris on wellbeing and performance. The author of Happy As a Dane: 10 Secrets of the Happiest People in the World shares 10 secrets to happiness from her country, Denmark, regularly ranked among the most happy places in the world. Photo: Malene Rydahl

Rydahl gives a keynote address on happiness at a hospitality convention in Copenhagen in 2023. Photo: Malene Rydahl

Rydahl with French Prime Minister Gabriel Attal and Queen Mary of Denmark. Photo: Malene Rydahl

The cover of Rydahl’s book. Photo: www.norton.com

Rydahl with France’s prime minister and minister of education. Photo: Malene Rydahl

Denmark’s education system encourages children to think for themselves and form opinions. Photo: Shutterstock

When we do not expect much from a given situation, we are more likely to be pleasantly surprised in the end – and therefore happier. Photo: Shutterstock

Family and leisure time in general are important. Danes eat dinner around 6pm and the whole family dines together – a good model for other places. Photo: Shutterstock 

Rydahl’s book describes the 10 factors that make Denmark the world’s happiest country. Photo: Twitter/MaleneRydahl

In Denmark, maternity leave is a joint matter extended to 52 weeks in total, which can be shared more or less as the couple wishes. Photo: Shutterstock

How exercise might help treat depression better than counselling or leading medications – and a runner who says it saved her life

Betty Grisoni uses trail running to gain control of her mental health and depression, which has also helped her lose weight - 70kg, to be exact. 
A new study found that physical activity is more effective than counselling or leading medications for improving depression, anxiety and distress symptoms. Photo: Betty Grisoni

Grisoni (centre) during the gruelling HK100 ultra race in January. Photo: HK100 2024

Grisoni crosses the finish line of the HK100 ultra race in January. Photo: HK 100 2024

University of South Australia lead researcher Dr Ben Singh. Photo: twitter.com/BenSinghPhD

All types of exercise were found to be beneficial in combating depression, including yoga. Photo: Shutterstock

How a high-flying Hong Kong lawyer turned wellness coach found her true path, helped by months of silent meditation in solitary Himalayan retreats

Lim (standing) conducts a private yoga session with Hong Kong actress Chingmy Yau. The former lawyer turned wellness coach’s clients include C-suite executives and senior partners at law firms. Photo: May Lim

When she was a high-flying lawyer, Lim was often seen at beauty parlours and shopping centres, or driving her Mercedes convertible during weekends. Photo: May Lim

Lim with her parents at her graduation from Cambridge University. Photo: May Lim

Lim with her two gurus, Chogye Trichen Rinpoche (top) and Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche (below). Photo: May Lim

Lim at The Oriental Spa at the Landmark Mandarin Oriental in Central, Hong Kong, where she teaches group yoga classes when she’s not hosting sessions with private clients. Photo: Jonathan Wong

The view from one of Lim’s retreat rooms in Kathmandu, Nepal. Photo: May Lim

Lim at The Oriental Spa at the Landmark Mandarin Oriental in Central. Photo: Jonathan Wong

Lim officially launched Heal with May and became a well-being coach and yoga instructor in 2017. Photo: May Lim

Lim quit her job at Yahoo Asia, sold her car and left everything behind to move to Nepal – the birthplace of Buddha – to search for the meaning of life. Photo: May Lim

Lifestyle

Health & Wellness

Health

New shoes, a wild party, a lottery win are all things that can bring transient joy, but real long-term happiness depends on more mundane things, researchers say
Among their suggestions: do things for others, and things that feel meaningful; set goals; and take stock of the things that make you feel proud and loved


Positive emotions are key to happiness, a life coach says. Reflect on what made you feel loved or proud today, she suggests; live a purposeful life; do things for others; achieve your goals.


Mental health

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