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Sasha Gonzales

As Valentine’s Day approaches, it is timely to remember that lovemaking brings much more than mere physical pleasure.
Reconnecting with your partner in an intimate way may help you get a better night’s sleep.
It may also have other proven health benefits, from protecting your heart to boosting your immune system.
Five relationship experts describe how best to satisfy your partner, yourself and each other.

1. Step out of your sexual comfort zone
In addition to talk therapy, Nathalie Sommer helps clients using somatic sexology. This involves teaching them to connect with their emotions and thoughts and listen to the messages their body is sending them. This, the Hong Kong-based relationship and intimacy coach and erotic blueprint coach says, helps her clients feel fully alive, which opens them up to more intimacy, connection and pleasure.

To keep the passion alive in your relationship, Sommer suggests changing things up in the bedroom.
“Couples who report higher levels of sexual satisfaction are usually the same ones who make the effort to try something new or different,” she points out. “Why not read some erotic stories with your partner, plan an adventurous date together or seduce your partner by sending them a sexy text or photo?”
It’s equally important to long for each other, spending time apart from your partner every now and again. “Distance fuels mystery, longing and anticipation – the hallmarks of desire. We tend to desire our partner more when we’re not with them. I’m not suggesting taking separate holidays or living in separate homes, but it’s a good idea to keep some distance from your lover from time to time.”
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2. Own your sexual energy
Christina Nikolovski of Tantra Path in Singapore has worked with couples and individuals who wanted to transform their sex lives for the better, helped men and women with emotional and physical issues reclaim their sexual confidence, and once, taught a 65-year-old woman how to orgasm.
“I teach people to let go of shame, guilt and fear so that they can fully engage with their sexuality and feel more connected with themselves,” says tantric coach Nikolovski. She uses a combination of tantric techniques, yoga, dance, meditation and other techniques in her sessions.

Tantra is an ancient Indian practice that teaches that we all have feminine and masculine energies within us. Nikolovski guides her clients in helping them own these energies so that they can enjoy greater intimacy with their partners.
“Owning your sexual energy is the first step towards having a more fulfilling, passionate and intimate relationship,” she says.
“This means owning your shame, understanding your desires, knowing your boundaries, being comfortable with your sexuality, and appreciating your body and the types of experiences it wants to offer you. Before engaging with your partner you must first learn to develop this intimate relationship with yourself.”
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3. Follow these four paths to better sex
For the last 10 years, Dr Martha Tara Lee of Eros Coaching in Singapore has seen clients for various reasons, from low libido and erectile issues to communication problems and vaginismus, a painful condition that can make it difficult or impossible to have sex.
Through her face-to-face or online sessions, she may teach her clients how to love their body, enhance their sexual satisfaction, communicate better with or without words, release their sexual inhibitions or experiment with sex toys.

Lee, a relationship counsellor and clinical sexologist, says that the four secrets to a more fulfilling sex life are energy, communication, respect and playfulness.
“Many of us are exhausted all the time because we’re overworked, and this can affect our sex drive. It’s therefore important to protect our energy by maintaining a healthy work-life balance,” she says.
“When it comes to communication, we must learn how to express our thoughts and feelings to avoid misunderstandings with our partner. And finally, respect and playfulness – these go hand in hand. It’s important to trust and respect our partner to feel safe with them, but having a sense of fun, creativity and adventure is just as essential to bring down any walls that may exist.”
Sex teacher’s tips to take your experience to the next level
4. Understand and celebrate your differences
A former documentary filmmaker – one of her early projects was a feature documentary called Sacred Sex – Cynthia Connop of Living Love in Australia has been conducting workshops Australia-wide since 2008 and in China since 2014.
She says that if couples want to boost intimacy in the bedroom, they have to learn how to celebrate their feminine and masculine essences, something that she teaches in her programmes.

“It’s important to cultivate polarity and attraction between these masculine and feminine essences so that they are magnetised to each other,” she says. “When we are all the same, there is no spark or passion. If one person is guiding and the other is surrendering, we have intimate polarity. So seek to understand and celebrate your differences.”
You should also prioritise love and focus on the connection you share with your partner, Connop, a facilitator and trainer, adds. And when you are being intimate, aim to give and receive pleasure, be open to trying new things, and avoid putting pressure on each other to perform. Don’t forget to have fun, too – for instance, when something goes wrong in the bedroom, try to have a sense of humour about it.
Finally, appreciate your partner. People who feel appreciated are more inspired to be better lovers.
Better sex, better sleep: why an orgasm before bed improves your rest
5. Don’t be afraid to talk about sex
Sexologist, sex educator and coach Sara Tang, of Hong Kong-based Sarasense, has been coaching in the last year, although she has been writing and speaking about sex for eight years. Before becoming a coach, she studied human sexuality at university in the United States, and, between 2011 and 2015, she ran a business selling sex toys through pleasure education parties.
As a coach, Tang doesn’t see her role as directing her clients and giving them instructions. Rather, she brings them on a journey to help them understand themselves better as sexual beings and bring them closer to their goals.

She says that learning about sex is the first crucial step to enjoying sex – this is because our sexuality is always evolving, our bodies are always changing and our knowledge about sex is always advancing. Second, she recommends being curious and exploring what turns you on without shame. And finally, don’t be afraid to talk about sex.
“People who communicate about sex have better sex,” she says. “It’s a mistake to assume that everyone experiences sex and pleasure in the same way. Everyone’s different. Ask your partner what they like and be open about telling them what you like as well.”


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Wellness

Five sex experts offer tips on how best to satisfy your partner and yourself in bed

Communicating your sexual desires and letting go of your inhibitions can help you connect more deeply with your partner. Photo: Shutterstock

***ONE TIME USE ONLY, PLEASE CLEAR THE COPYRIGHTS BEFORE RE-USE - OTUO*** Nathalie Sommer is a relationship and intimacy coach. Photo: handout

Handout image of Christina Nikolovski, Tantric Coach, Tantra Path, Singapore.CREDIT: Dr Martha Tara Lee

Handout image of Dr Martha Tara Lee, Relationship Counsellor and Clinical Sexologist, Eros Coaching, SingaporeCREDIT: Dr Martha Tara Lee

Couple reading in bed.CREDIT:Shutterstock

Handout image of Cynthia Connop, Facilitator and Trainer, Living Love.CREDIT: , Living Love

***ONE TIME USE ONLY, PLEASE CLEAR THE COPYRIGHTS BEFORE RE-USE - OTUO*** Sara Tang,  a sex educator and pleasure coach, and founder of Sarasense. Undated. Handout.

How the heart works and how to keep it healthy for longer – doctors explain

The human heart needs looking after. Image: Getty Images

(Original Caption) German Doctor Werner Forssmann is one of three heart specialists jointly awarded the 1956 Nobel Prize for medicine. Dr. Forssmann shared the prize with two American physicians, Dr. Dickinson W. Richards and Dr. Andre Cournand, both of Columbia University, who perfected a method of diagnosing heart and pulmonary ailments discovered by the German doctor.

Handout of Dr. Vincent C.Y. TsangSpecialist in Cardiology.

(Original Caption) Louis Washkansky, transplanted heart patient, sits up in bedCredit: Getty Images

Illustration of a stent used to open blocked artery on a white background.Credit: Shutterstock

Handout image of Dr Adrian Cheong - Specialist in Cardiology.[09FEBRUARY2020 FEATURES HEALTH]

The heart, which pumps blood around our body, keeps going for years without breaking down and stopping – if we look after it well. Photo: Shutterstock

Coronavirus: how to stay healthy and happy during virus outbreak and flu season, from the vitamins you need to exercise like yoga

It’s not too late to get the flu vaccine, Lai says. Photo: Shutterstock

Handout image of Dr Joyce Lai, GP at OT&P.[02FEBRUARY2020 FEATURES HEALTH]

Handout image of  nutritionist / naturopath Lawrence Tredrea at Integrated Medicine Institute.[02FEBRUARY2020 FEATURES HEALTH]

Shutterstock image of a woman at a gym.[02FEBRUARY2020 FEATURES HEALTH]

Handout image of dietician Sally Poon.[02FEBRUARY2020 FEATURES HEALTH]

Staying healthy and happy in Hong Kong involves getting enough sleep and vitamins, and keeping your stress levels in check. Photo: Shutterstock

Poor diet, lack of exercise in childhood a ticking time bomb – how to live longer, healthy lives

Brazilian jiu-jitsu provides good all-round exercise. Photo: Xiaomei Chen

Ho is a specialist in paediatrics at Matilda International Hospital.Photo: Handout[FEATURES 2020]

(L-R) Stephen Tsang Chi-pon and his daughter Hannah Tsang Shi-Jing, 17 years old, with their Brazilian Jiu-jitsu coach Fernando Junior, founder of Bewater, at BeWater in Central. 17JAN20 [FEATURES] SCMP / Xiaomei Chen

Father and daughter practise Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Experts say parents should encourage children to eat healthily and exercise, and educate them about the dangers of smoking to combat obesity. Photo: Xiaomei Chen

Lifestyle

Health & Wellness

Health

Family & Relationships


Communicating your sexual desires and letting go of your inhibitions can help you connect more deeply with your partner
Among their tips: be curious, don’t put pressure on each other to perform, and understand your desires



From reading erotic stories with your partner to being open to trying new things and learning how to express your thoughts and feelings, five relationship experts share advice on how to best satisfy your partner and yourself.


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