A family divided: separation and estrangement and the social taboos that surround them
- Sexual, physical and mental abuse, betrayal and poor parenting are the main causes of estrangement in families
- An expert recommends reconnection, but only if any abuse has stopped and everyone is ready for it
Peter Wong (not his real name) has been cut off from his parents and three siblings for years. Rather than leaving a void in his life, the Hong Kong accountant says the distance gives him a sense of relief.
“In the past when I saw them, they always either found fault with me or asked me for money. Family reunions were always emotionally draining, which I dreaded. Having no contact whatsoever with them for years, I have no idea what they are up to. But I feel an immense peace,” he says.
In recent years, more cases of family estrangement like Wong’s have attracted public attention, and researchers have begun to study the phenomenon of family distancing or rupture. Research suggests that broken familial bonds, once considered sacrosanct and worth preserving at all costs, affect a rising number of adults.
A 2015 survey by the British charity Stand Alone found that 19 per cent of adults, or 12 million people, in Britain, are in families in which at least two relatives are estranged. Family estrangement is defined as one or more relatives intentionally ending contact due to a drawn-out negative relationship.
We have this very idealised version of what a family should be like ... People feel really ashamed if their families don’t live up to that ideal
This emotionally fraught issue has drawn attention recently because of Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle’s very public estrangement from her father.