Why dating as an Asian-American woman can mean hyper-sexualisation and fetishisation, reducing people to objects
- ‘He just wanted to have sex with an exotic woman that would make sexy noises he didn’t understand,’ says Karina Chan of her first date with a non-Asian guy
- Experts say the dehumanisation of Asian women dates back centuries, rooted in the violence of white colonialism and commodified as sexual stereotypes
Karina Chan never knew what to expect when it came to dating.
Having come from an Asian-American bubble in the San Francisco Bay Area, she never understood how frightening a prospective, non-Asian date could be – until she began seeing a man about three years ago.
He seemed to be her dream guy: affable, sharp, intelligent. He possessed a natural charm that lured her in, and she was overjoyed when he expressed romantic interest.
That excitement dissipated into confusion and concern when he insisted she speak to him in a different language during sex because he “was kind of into that”.
In the moment, all she could do was laugh. The demand sounded ridiculous; she didn’t even know any “sexy” words in Chinese. But, looking back at the encounter, Chan realised it was more than just “weird”. It was humiliating and demeaning, and she felt dehumanised by someone who seemingly cared about her.
“I had never felt so much like I was just a body before, a literal bag of water and cellular matter,” Chan, now 23, says. “He just wanted to have sex with an exotic woman that would make sexy noises he didn’t understand.”
