What is the silent treatment, how should you respond to it and can it be considered abuse? Experts weigh in
- The silent treatment is a refusal to verbally communicate. Experts say when it becomes part of a pattern of controlling/punishing behaviour, it can be abusive
- One woman’s mother kept up the silent treatment for six months, and a TikTok user says her mum’s refusal to speak to her would feel like ‘agony’
Most of us know what it’s like to be hurt by words – the cruel ones, the insensitive ones, the ones that replay themselves over and over again in our minds. But many of us have also been hurt by the absence of words, by the spaces between them, by silences that truly can become deafening.
The silent treatment is a refusal to verbally communicate with another person, a way of withholding connection.
It can look like a spouse who stops talking after a fight or a displeased parent who refuses to speak or make eye contact with a child.
Psychologists say when it becomes part of a pattern of controlling or punishing behaviour, it can be abusive.
“But I think what’s different about the silent treatment is its intention isn’t to set a boundary or regain emotional regulation. The intention is to punish the other person.”