The Naked Truth | Online dating dos, don’ts and dangers during social distancing, from creating the perfect profile to spotting a ‘catfish’

Social distancing may be preventing singles from meeting in bars and restaurants, but love, and lust, is still finding a way, with romancing via video chat on online dating platforms rising in popularity as a precursor to real dates when the coronavirus debacle clears up. Online dating has been around for almost 20 years and has gradually been accepted as a viable and convenient way of meeting a romantic partner, says Valentina Tudose, a relationship expert and certified hypnotherapist. Even though some remain sceptical, there is actually little difference between meeting someone in a bar or via an app as both rely on physical attractiveness and self-confidence, she says. “All we need is a slight shift of perspective to make it feel as normal and natural as possible,” she says. First off, you should make a good first impression by creating an image you feel will attract a desirable partner. Approach your online profile as if you were preparing to meet someone you like and make a list of three to five things you want them to know about you straight away, such as passions, goals and backstory, Tudose says. “When creating a good profile, the goal is not to appeal to as many people as possible but to screen out all those who are likely to waste your time. An online profile is a great chance to tell someone your whole story in just a few pictures and words.” Remember that the purpose of online dating is not to carry out an entire relationship online, but to create the opportunity to meet someone face-to-face. “Whether this comes in the first few days or a few weeks really depends on the circumstances, but always make sure you are on the same page, as you may in fact be engaged in what some call ‘an imaginationship’.” Also bear in mind that just because someone is responsive, it doesn’t mean they are looking for a serious relationship. “The main reasons people are on apps like Tinder or Hinge are for amusement, curiosity and socialisation. The current coronavirus situation is likely to increase engagement levels, such as being more chatty, because people have all this time on their hands. That doesn’t mean they want something serious.” There are several toxic behaviours to look out for that should prompt you to hit the ejector seat sooner rather than later, Tudose says. Ghosting – ceasing all communication – is today’s way of dumping someone. But ghosts will sometimes “come back from the dead” in a phenomenon called “zombie-ing”. This is when someone who ghosted you pops back into your life as if nothing has happened and expects things to resume as they were. Be wary – if this person is not a great communicator they are likely to repeat the same pattern. This isn’t always the case, but always use your best judgments in such situations, Tudose says. To protect yourself from undesirable behaviours, the best way is to ask for a video call before you share anything meaningful or personal to someone you’ve not actually seen Valentina Tudose There are also people who do something called “breadcrumbing”. They get in touch every now and then with short and usually flirty interactions just to maintain the illusion they are interested in you. If you’ve been breadcrumbed and you are still interested in pursuing this person, then make sure to check with your friends who can offer advice as impartial observers. There is also “orbiting”, which often happens when someone who’s ghosted you or broken up with you is now watching your social media. This is the act of observing someone from a distance without ever initiating contact, just as planets and stars that never meet. This can be very confusing, and many people interpret such behaviour as an indication the orbiter wants to get back together. Orbiting, however, comes mainly from curiosity and the vague desire to see if an ex-partner is still single or has found someone better, rather than any serious wish to get back together. If you find yourself engaging in such behaviour, the best thing is to make a clean break so that you – and your ex – can begin to truly move on from one another. The most frightening online dating behaviour is “catfishing”, where someone creates a fake profile with borrowed pictures, a fake name, age and location. Catfish usually intend to swindle a financial or emotional reward from a victim while putting on the appearance of a genuinely interested person. Catfish profiles are often well crafted, and as a result many unsuspecting people have been scammed out of large sums of money. “To protect yourself from these undesirable behaviours, the best way is to ask for a video call before you share anything meaningful or personal to someone you’ve not actually seen,” Tudose says. “And remember, never ever give personal details away, because they are just someone you met online.” How to create the perfect online profile - One or two pictures that show your face and body clearly - One or two things you are passionate about (such as animals, hiking, climbing, photography) - One or two things you do to enjoy yourself (such as hanging out with friends, staying fit) - Clearly state what you want from the experience to help screen out matches with wildly different expectations, and avoid unnecessary hurt or heartbreak Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post

.css-1m2rp1p{color:#34b8b5;}The Naked Truth | Online dating dos, don’ts and dangers during social distancing, from creating the perfect profile to spotting a ‘catfish’

The Naked Truth | Online dating dos, don’ts and dangers during social distancing, from creating the perfect profile to spotting a ‘catfish’