The Naked Truth | Going nowhere: signs of an ‘almost relationship’ and what you can do about it
- If only one person is committed to an intimate relationship, it puts pressure on both partners
- A sex educator gives tips on how to work out whether you are in an ‘almost relationship’, and if it can be salvaged
Sometimes people find themselves in an “almost, but not quite” relationship; the feeling of failure, the sense of loss, the wondering “what could have been” that accompany it can be distressing.
When the relationship is sexual, it is definitely bad news. Even for people who are engaged in a less than fully fledged partnership, the situation can still be toxic for both parties.
At least when a relationship fails outright, you know it is done and, whether or not you have learned your lesson, you know it’s time to move on and begin to heal. People in an “almost relationship” can find themselves paralysed by self-doubt and asking endless questions because they are being strung along by someone.
Even if they love the other person and feel committed to them, they feel there is no future because the relationship is neither reciprocal nor balanced. You may fool yourself into believing that “this could really be it”, only to find out that the person is not ready to commit, and never will be.
You know you are in an “almost relationship” when you are spending a lot of time with someone, but haven’t yet had “the conversation” to confirm and commit to sexual exclusivity or some sort of status, says Sara Tang, a Hong Kong-based sex coach and founder of Sarasense, a relationship consultancy. It is easy to fall into such a relationship without realising it, she warns.
