The Naked Truth | Overcoming loneliness: embrace your inner-self and learn the difference between being alone and being lonely

Hong Kong can be a terribly lonely city, despite the fact it is one of the most densely populated places on Earth. Truth be told, we often feel most isolated when we are surrounded by a lot of people. It all comes down to a lack of meaningful connections. Even when we live in a city of millions, it doesn’t necessarily mean we can easily find a suitable partner to share a life with or form true and meaningful relationships of any kind. Meeting people or making lots of friends in a big city may be easy, but we might not always feel familiar with or close to them. Feeling lonely is different from being physically isolated. In fact, it is even more perplexing and painful to feel lonely when we are surrounded by seemingly familiar faces who are like strangers to us, even though we are in close contact with them. This unwanted feeling is rather disturbing because it feels as if you are invisible and insignificant. The good relationship habits that will see your love blossom, and bad ones that will do the opposite Loneliness is not only a problem for single people. You can feel lonely even when you have a partner because it is a feeling of isolation and lack of meaningful associations. So even some people in a committed relationship might sometimes feel cut off and unable to make meaningful connections with their partners. Some say we feel socially isolated because it’s our defence mechanism. Since we have to deal with loads of people day in and day out, we have unknowingly drawn an invisible boundary to keep a healthy distance to preserve our personal space and hence keep our sanity. Herein lies the problem; many people are used to living in their “safe space”, especially those who are accustomed to communicating with others via social media. To this segment of the population, person-to-person communication is something of a new social skill to learn. In that case, we need to bring down the wall to allow real social connections to take place. That means we have to learn how to be “real” social beings again. If you want to beat loneliness, start by identifying what your habits and routines are that are making you feel isolated or are stopping you from meeting and connecting with people. Then take action. The first step is to bring down communication barriers. Get rid of things that are too structured, restrictive or are too tech-oriented because they could be hindering your “freestyle” approach to meeting “real” people or making new friends face-to-face. You should maximise face-to-face conversations with friends and colleagues alike. Instead of sending a text or email to another colleague in the office, make an effort to convey that message in person by going over to their desk. Do that more often, and see the immediate results. Sometimes making friends with a colleague might help expand your network outside work. Remember, you can only find peace and happiness in the world and in others by first finding it within yourself. Luisa Tam Invite a few colleagues for a drink or a small get-together one night after work, and set a social precedent in the workplace. Another way to optimise chances of meeting new people is through volunteering and doing charity work. You can meet people in a low-key manner while contributing towards a good cause. Volunteering for a charitable cause can be a less intimidating way to bring down your barriers and will also help to bring more meaning and fulfilment to your life. Try developing a new hobby or try a new social or sporting activity to expand your social circle. For example, you can pick up tennis or yoga as a hobby. You don’t need to become a pro, you just need to have fun by trying something new. If you are the daring type, why not go outside your comfort zone to strike up conversations with strangers while working out in the gym or at a social event? In any new social and sporting activity you undertake, just remember to go for the sheer joy of the experience. Try to be spontaneous and talk to people without any pressure of making the connection last into the future – just be free and open. You can also make use of apps to join social groups to meet like-minded people or those with similar interests such as a book club, for example. Social apps aren’t restricted to dating; there are plenty of apps that encourage friendships based on common interests. You may try travelling alone to broaden your horizons or to do some soul searching. Wild, which was written by Cheryl Strayed in 2012 and adapted into a film starring Reese Witherspoon in 2014, brought appeal to the prospect of travelling alone to find oneself. In the book and film, Strayed embarks on a three-month solo hike across the Pacific Crest Trail to get over her deep sadness caused by the untimely death of her mother and recent divorce. Another rather ingenious approach to opening up is to reconnect with your “inner child” because as children we tend to be more carefree and live life without boundaries and fears. Children thrive on making new friends and playing and sharing happiness with others. By awakening and embracing your inner child, you can help overcome loneliness because your former child self is all about authenticity, openness and spontaneity. To awaken you inner child, try recapturing and revisiting childhood memories. Revisit significant episodes from your childhood – both good and bad – and try to learn from them. List things such as food, holidays, events, people that made you happy as a child. And also take time out to “talk” with your younger self to help get feelings off your chest. It’s important to embrace your inner-self, and learn the difference between being alone and being lonely. Luisa Tam Sometimes, loneliness is a by-product of the choices we make because of our background, upbringing, environment, etc. But once you embrace life and become your own best friend, you then have the power to make better choices to change your situation. Remember, you can only find peace and happiness in the world, and in others, by first finding it within yourself. It’s important to embrace your inner-self, and learn the difference between being alone and being lonely. Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post

The Naked Truth | Overcoming loneliness: embrace your inner-self and learn the difference between being alone and being lonely

Loneliness is a crippling feeling that can strike even when you live in one of the most populated cities in the world Finding strength in being alone can help you to open up to others and find lasting and fulfilling connections

Loneliness is a crippling feeling that can strike even when you live in one of the most populated cities in the world

Finding strength in being alone can help you to open up to others and find lasting and fulfilling connections