The Naked Truth | Emotional baggage? How talking about past relationships can strengthen your future
- Confronting past relationship problems and sharing them with your present partner is a great way to strengthen your connection and build intimacy
- It can give your partner an insight into how you deal with things, like conflict – but tread carefully
Most people would agree that we should not let our past define us. But to a certain extent, our past shapes who we are today, with past experiences influencing our views and attitudes.
The past is filled with a mixture of good and bad experiences, so delving into it, in a constructive way, can help us gain personal insight and hopefully help us to lead more fulfilled lives.
Sometimes confronting past relationship problems and sharing them with your present partner is a great way to turn those disappointments and struggles into positive pointers to help navigate current issues and build a stronger relationship.
But, of course, it depends on whether your present partner is happy with opening up the past.
“For some, sharing too many details can be uncomfortable, as if you’re still not over a past relationship,” says Dr Kristin Zeising, a clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist at Mindnlife.
“It’s a balance between an offering of relevant and helpful information without inundating the person with too many details. Getting into the details of your past sex life, for example, may make your partner feel insecure or [make them] evaluated whether they are as sexually skilled as your previous partners.”