There is no one-size-fits-all solution to the challenges of parenting
Even though I’m a professional child psychologist, I sometimes wonder whether I have been a good enough mother, writes Lora Lee
As an expectant mother, I read all I could about how to bring up a child and yet ended up becoming more confused. Law school seemed like a tea party compared with getting my son to sleep through the night and saying “no” to well-meaning tips from relatives about how to control his crying.
Maybe that was one of the reasons I decided to study child psychology instead. I needed to know what to do and have the confidence to tell people, “I am a good enough mother and I know what I am doing.”
Fast forward 12 years and the truth is, most of the time, I am just grateful that my son and I are compatible in temperaments. We recognise our differences and are able to respect them – most of the time.
Was it useful to know my son’s attachment style? Or to recognise that my son was dyslexic before his teacher first pointed it out? Was it useful to know how to keep him from being embroiled in a very long divorce? Or was it most useful, when my son was six, to have him point out that I didn’t talk to him and pay attention to him the way I did with my patients?
Like most working mothers, I feel guilt and stress. I feel that I am not doing the best job, especially when I get tired at the end of a long day and miss adult conversations and interaction. Can I accept that it is okay to be just a “good enough” mother?