Review | How a white woman’s memoir of abuse while travelling in Asia became a journey to self-forgiveness
- The Lotus Eaters tells the story of a young woman travelling in Southeast Asia who is confused about her future, her sexuality and her relationships
- At times depressing and daunting, Emily Clements’ memoir is a triumph of self- realisation
The Lotus Eaters, by Emily Clements, Hardie Grant, 4 stars
When Emily Clements finds herself alone in Vietnam after her best friend suddenly departs for Australia, she tries to make the best of her opportunity to see Southeast Asia.
Only 19, Clements quickly picks up the language and goes out of her way to meet Hanoians. This memoir of her year in Vietnam is not, however, a typical expat book about immersing oneself in another culture. Instead, it centres on the way women are conditioned to put our feelings last.
“The word ‘no’, as always, got stuck in the grate at the back of my throat. The grate shoved there at some point in my socialisation to make sure I never said anything to endanger my niceness. Don’t be selfish: a phrase so often repeated to little girls that literally means, Don’t put yourself first,” she writes.
Most women and girls can relate. International travel and being nice to others don’t always mix well, as The Lotus Eaters can attest. It can be especially problematic in Asian cultures where the concept of saving face is so important.
Clements, refreshingly, does not entertain the usual victim-blaming, but rather shows how difficult it can be for women to travel alone and stay safe. It’s not about staying away from “bad elements”, because Clements finds danger in simple encounters with hotel staff, bartenders, and other people one would normally not consider threatening.
