MIDAS recently staggered home from a week-end scuba diving in the Philippines. When he returned, he couldn't believe that everyone seemed to think he'd been hanging out in bars of ill repute and sampling the Dionysian delights of Manila. He had, of course, but he was surprised people assumed he had.
As he grabbed his mail from the pigeonhole, he spotted a postcard. 'Ah ha!' he thought, 'that filly from France has finally written back.' Believe Midas when he says that if Rubens had seen her, he'd have bitten his brush in two.
Alas no. It was nothing less than hate mail. Some bored broom pushers decided to put pen to paper and lay into this ageing, red-faced and essentially benevolent old man for no apparent reason - apart from the fact they lost money following Midas' advice.
What did they expect? Midas has admitted he is one step away from debtors' jail himself. If he knew how to make money, he'd make it, and not have to write this column to pay the vodka bill.
Anyway, judge the letter for yourself. 'Dear Midas,' it begins, 'we are a bunch of stupid housewives who are your fans and have followed closely your stupid advice as to what to invest in. The greatest lost [sic] we suffered were HSBC at $117 and HK Land at $26.50, Pere-HSBC warrent [sic] at $6.15. Last week you suggested not to fall in love with your shares, we drop our Pere-HSBC warrent [sic again] at $3 to buy CITIC Pacific at $23.90. Look what you got us into - today its $22.20.' The toxic missive concludes: 'Why don't you just SHUT UP!' Midas has this question: wasn't he married to you once? Midas did indeed advise you not to fall in love with a stock. Well, the best thing about advice is you don't have to take it.
If you glance at the portfolio, ladies, you'll see that making money hasn't been what this year's market was all about. Instead, the key has been to avoid losing it, and in this Midas has been pretty successful.