bodyType

customContents

entityId

entityUuid

articlePageQuery

filter

article

articleBaseAdvertisingInfoArticle

articleListArticle

articleSeoArticle

helpersCheckIsPostiesArticle

hooksArticleAcknowledgementGateOverlayArticle

hooksTrackPageViewArticle

hooksContentInterestArticle

articleLinkingDataContent

hooksAmpRedirectArticle

articleSchemaContent

liveArticle

advertZone

sentiment

contentLock

topics

types

sections

moreOnThisArticles

urlAlias

commentCount

authorLocations

authors

corrections

sponsorType

displaySlideShow

multimediaEmbed

printHeadline

seriesContainer

socialHeadline

headline

flag

firstTopic

glossary

flattenTypeIds

publishedDate

additionalInfoBoxes

images

image

relatedLinks

relatedNewsletters

__typename

createdDate

sponsor

paywallTypes

pdfFiles

seriesReverseOrder

series

disableOffPlatformContent

published

updatedDate

summary

subHeadline

body

keywords

readingTime

customTimezone

liveContents

Charlotte Parsons

Poor old HSBC. Everyone's glowering at it.

Nobody likes a market dragger, and that bank is looking a bit like a drag king.

Warning bells were sounded even as the market sulked over lower than expected earnings per share (EPS).

Analysts really thought that number would be higher.

A consensus forecast put the EPS at HK$6.20.

The reality was HK$5.40.

Broken down into major brokerages, the list of projections came in various shades of too-high.

But one outfit that got it more wrong than the rest.

Its forecast was HK$6.78.

Its name was HSBC Securities.

Sophisticated speak: Got an IPO that needs a bit of spin? Then Communication Plus is the one for you.

They've been trying to drum up business at local investment banks.

'We are sophisticated and experienced', a letter from the executive director informed banks.

But sophistication doesn't come cheap.

The fee for IPO marketing and support will cost you anywhere from HK$80,000 to HK$120,000.

And that's without the HK$1,000 an hour you'll pay for every executive putting in overtime.

Still, some of their services do sound pretty important.

Take Crisis Management, for example.

The PR for their firm informs us that they have 'personnel to attach in every of this kind of crisis happen to avoid unconcious of clients to handle inquiries.'

We're not sure how those clients lost consciousness, but it does sound serious.

The sophisticated crew of Communication Plus tell us that they are paid to ensure 'that information is disseminated in a consistent and effective manner'. And one must not underestimate the importance of that sort of thing in this, the age of information.

As the firm's literature puts it:

'Internet is latest and most fast communication channel using in the world, it also changed very rapidly in such of technology and information flowing.'

And just in case you were wondering how Communication Plus came by all those superb communication skills:

'We have employed a wide range of copywriter in different mother language to provide all type of service.'

Lai See  will be sure to avail herself of their services if she ever needs to communicate with this different mother whose language those copywriters speak.

Top selling tools: Property prices are rising, restrictions are relaxing, and developers are starting to get aggressive again.

Yes, pretty soon we could see a return to the good old days when realtors were known for the speed with which they made money.

Also the speed with which they pursued passersby outside MTR stations.

So Lai See  has decided to celebrate the turnaround with a few Top Signs Your Realtor Is Crazy, courtesy of the Top Five gang.

Lists 'protection money' as a closing cost.

Insists on carrying you over the threshold of every home.

Says chalk body outlines on the floor are growth records of past owner's children.

The only houses he shows you are on streets that rhyme with 'Beef'.

She asks if you have any 'hang ups' about squatting.

His sales pitch normally ends with 'And from THIS window, I bet you could pick off 10, 15 people before anyone gets suspicious'.

Screams 'Feel how plush this carpet is!', then takes off shoes, moon walks and shocks your ear lobe.

Graphic: whee01gbz



Hong Kong Sevens: city’s men ‘hurting’ from Cape Town, told to fight for spots at Kai Tak

Malaysia emerging as key hub in Asean’s digital future

Beijing could look at expanding ‘connect’ scheme to add Hong Kong IPOs: HSBC APAC chair

HSBC celebrates 160 years in Hong Kong with display of the bank’s heritage and innovation

HSBC

Reality bites into HSBC forecasters