Chinese parents face obstacle to having a second child: their first
Families who want a second child following the relaxation of the mainland’s birth control policies face an unexpected challenge: how to persuade their first child to accept a brother or a sister.
One evening two months ago, Beijing mother Yu Nan and her son Le Le, 4, were playing in their living room when Yu decided to ask the question that had been on her mind for days.
“Le Le, do you want a younger brother or sister?” Yu asked.
“No, I don’t,” Le Le replied, without missing a beat.
“Why? He could play with you. Wouldn’t that be a good thing for you?” asked Yu, doing her best to encourage him.
“I don’t need one,” he insisted. “I already have friends in the kindergarten and neighbourhood.”
Her son’s answer was enough to make Yu re-examine her desire.
“The main motivation for me is to let Le Le have a companion. But if he doesn’t want one then I don’t know,” Yu said.
It’s a dilemma faced by many Chinese parents, who have discovered their first child is less than enthusiastic about welcoming another family member who could compete for their parents’ attention, love and care.
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Qingdao Daily reported this month that some grade four students at one primary school had formed an “alliance against brothers and sisters”. And in January last year a 13-year-old girl in Wuhan (武漢), Hubei (湖北) province, reportedly threatened to kill herself if her pregnant mother gave birth. The mother, 44, had an abortion after discovering her daughter was self-mutilating.
“It’s normal for some children to show resistance when their parents want a second child,” said Zhou Qunying, a family relations researcher at Beijing Normal University. “Chinese children are living with much better material conditions than previous generations, while their parents are also better educated and willing to spend more time and money on them ... many children don’t want to share what they have got.”
She added that due to three decades of the one-child policy, few children had any idea of what brother or sisterhood involved.
Zhang Yi, a office lady in Shanghai, didn’t ask the opinion of her daughter, 4. She just told her directly she would have a brother.
“From the very beginning, I wanted her to develop a bond with her brother,” said Zhang. She took her daughter to every prenatal examination and ultrasound and encouraged her daughter to talk to the baby in her tummy.
“Since my son was born, we have been paying even more attention to her and take her out to play or go shopping. We are happy to see she has adapted well to the new change so far,” said Zhang.
